Steve Jobs is ‘dead’. Long live Steve Jobs.


Good night sweet prince. The corporate gods have deigned you too beautiful for this ugly world and so it is with a heavy heart, that we say goodbye to Our Steve, who art in Apple, Jobs be thy name.

We may ask ourselves questions. What shall we do now? Where shall we go, what shall we buy to prove our superiority without his peaceful, bearded countenance to guide us towards the next rounded black rectangle that will surely be the pinnacle of human achievement? What just creator would take this man, nay, this demi-god, away from us so cruelly? Ask not these questions, they will not bring you peace. And if Our Steve could be here today he would not want us to dwell on such depressing matters.

Rather we should look forward, as he would do himself, and think of all the ways we can honour him. I propose a new app wherein a winged, glowing image of Our Steve is depicted ascending into the clouds. The user will blow gently into the microphone and help him on his way, effectively becoming the wind beneath his wings, guiding him to technical genius nirvana. Or perhaps an app that displays only his gentle, smiling face and the user could press their lips against his cheek, eyes closed and mouth a silent ‘thank you’ as a single tear escapes. Another way to go would be to temporarily replace all those sleek, oh-so-cool, glowing Apple symbols on Apple’s various products with Our Steve’s face. The warm throb of light would remind us of the rising and setting sun, eternal as we once thought he was.

But these are grand gestures the common-or-garden variety Jobs worshipper cannot partake in. There are myriad ways in which we humble folk can give tribute in our daily lives. All this week we will increase the volume to maximum capacity on our iPods so the world can hear us as we listen to Candle in the Wind (the new version Elton John will surely release) in quiet dignity and reverence. Don’t worry about the people standing around you on the bus or the train into work, they will hear every note and they will understand. No doubt they will simply nod at you or perhaps lay a hand on your shoulder. We’re all in this together guys, any way you can help your fellow man in this solemn time is an act of almost Jobsian altruism. With that said, perhaps one of us could set up that much talked-about helpline for those of us who are having a hard time adjusting to this seismic shift in the computing landscape. There are people out there desperately in need of our help, even now their tears are falling on their iPads like rain and the touch screen interface is so intuitive that even those light little splashes are opening up their downloaded app that makes you sound like T-Pain. Alas, you cannot autotune the pain away.

Steve Jobs we hardly knew ye and this missive is nowhere near the tribute you deserve but I hope in your infinite understanding, you can appreciate the effort. Whoever follows you has some mighty big shoes to fill and we all hope you watch down on him with kindness and forgiveness for the numerous cock-ups and missteps that will surely come without you at the helm.

Keep smiling everybody, keep ostentiously using photoshop on a picture of all your numerous friends in coffee shops across the world, making sure everyone can see your glowing Apple logo (or Steve face if anyone important is reading this), keep tapping away at your iPad in crowded bars after removing it from its protective Apple sheath, keep loudly talking on your expensive iPhone about how the battery life is EVEN BETTER than the last model released two months ago. These gestures are small but this is all we can do in the face of such a sad time.

Our affection and our humbleness will bring us closer to Jobsliness.

Thank you.



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